Do you have people around you who always seem to be putting you down? How do you deal with negative people?
They don’t look or act like bad people but when you interact with them, somehow you get the negative vibes.
You don’t feel like they support you,
They shoot you down with words,
They make you feel like you are always wrong
Being negative around you,
Not interested in what you say or think,
When you voiced out on certain issues, they would rebuke you
In general, put you down.
Who are these people?
They could be anywhere, anyone you know.
They could be your family members (parents, siblings, spouses, etc), relatives or people in your social circle (friends, classmates, acquaintances, colleagues, etc)
It brings down the quality of the relationship or friendship and can be painful to the point that you might fear meeting them.
It could be the moment when you think about them, your energy dips. You would avoid communicating, you would refrain from sharing too much about yourself to them to minimizing interaction with them.
At best, to your social circles, you keep a polite distance from them and keep your thoughts to yourself in future, but what about those who you see or interact with regularly? How can you avoid them? Or rather, how do you deal with these people who put you down?
How To Deal With Negative People Who Put You Down
Firstly, think back to what they said, and how they said it. Was it only to you that they were talking to in this manner?
For some people, it may simply be the way they communicate. Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. They might have been too direct in their responses, not being aware that their words would hurt. Most would probably not realize what they said or how they said because that was how they have been communicating to others all along.
For instance, I know someone who would always say he was tired. Every time we see each other, he would comment that and that frustrated me at one point because it made me felt like him meeting me was a tiring thing to do. It turns out that it was his ‘catchphrase’
Another situation may look like they are putting you down, but in fact, it is not. It could be them simply raising their concern for you.
For instance, if you tell your parents that you are thinking of starting an online business and they just shot you down. Perhaps they say “you will be wasting time and money”, “you have not even completed anything you started, how would you succeed?”, “You have no experience, don’t bother”
At this moment, you might feel angry, frustrated and that they were putting you down because you are hyped up and excited to share your plans but not expecting such a dejected response!
However, when you ‘see’ from their perspectives, you might realize that they actually were actually having your interests at heart, thinking of your behalf.
Consider that you have never done this before and starting a business is a challenge in itself, involving many risks that you probably would not have thought about, they were worried for your sake and hence, responded in such manner.
How To Deal With This Situation?
Calm down first, and explain why you are doing this, what you have done so far and what you can do moving forward. These may include what you know and your research is done so far, the cost implication of doing this online business, your products, your customer, and show that you have done your homework.
Many times, people are negative about certain ideas because they are worried about the consequences and the risks involved especially to people they care about.
You might find that the person with the most rejection towards your ideas usually come from your closest family members. People who are closest to you are usually most critical (Click To Tweet)
How about when you shared an interesting finding/news/event with your friends and they end up saying things like they already knew, and called you names or giving you labels as ‘slow’, ‘noob’ and so on?
Being made fun of, disregarded and humiliated are no fun.
Your first impulse would probably be to defend yourself and get nasty back at them.
Instead of losing your temper, avoid getting entangled with them emotionally.
Walk away when you feel emotions rising and want to challenge them
Be aware that these are only their opinions and do not apply to you. (You know yourself best, don’t let anyone give you labels)
When you have calmed down, find a time and opportunity to talk to them. Communicate calmly and properly.
Let them know that you value their friendship and that’s why you shared your excitement/findings/happiness with them, and you expect mutual respect between each other.
Be assertive when you voice out. Stand up tall and speak with confidence for yourself.
Rather than quietly accepting their hurtful words and suffer in silence, make it clear to them that this is not acceptable to you