Are you a confident person?
Do you often wish you had spoken up for yourself more? Do you find yourself envying those who are more outspoken? Those who always seem to have witty, smart, humorous comments, making everyone else love them? Or do you wish you had the perfect comeback to that bad ass two minutes they left?
Do you avoid taking lead in school projects or events because you don’t think you could do it? Or do you feel less capable and outstanding than others? Do you often wish, but when you are given that chance, you push it away? Is there an inner voice that’s constantly telling you that you can’t do it, that you are not up for it and all that negative blah?
Well, if you said more than two ‘Yes’ to the above questions, you need this post.
You’re tired of feeling beaten, shy and inferior to others.
You want to be able to speak up and people actually listen to you, not brush you off.
You want to be able to stand up for yourself and people you care.
You want to stop being bullied by the aggressive ones and start being assertive.
You want to speak in front of others without feeling like a failure or having to cave in each time with trembling voice.
You want to be able to take on challenges without feeling the fear every minute.
So, how do you move beyond all that self-defeating thoughts, negative self-talk to be one of the confident ones, quickly?
#1 – Do BIG Massive Actions Immediately
You can read quotes and books, and you can think your way out of feeling diffident but the quickest way you can get out of this feeling is to get into ‘loud’ actions, immediately. This is the first step to empowering you to accept confidence on a personal level. Before you deal with other people or situations, you will need to overcome your physical barrier first.
On the Individual scale, you can change your posture and physical movements with the following steps (You can do this alone)
Practise your vocals – Massage your vocal cord by humming, then saying single words like ‘HA’, ‘YA’, ‘NO’ loud and clear.
Practice laughing out loud – Hearing your voice loud and cheerful adds a positive note.
Sit Up / Walk Straight – As though you are pulling your head upwards towards the ceiling
Stretch and Open Up Your Limbs – Occupy more space by stretching out, loosen your muscles and stop ‘hugging’ yourself. Instead of crossing your arms or holding one arm with the other, assume a relaxed, upright position
Stand Up Tall – No more hunching or lowering your head. Don’t slouch too.
Raise Both Your Arms Over Your Head – Just Like You Are Winning It.
Run On The Spot / Jump Up and Down Fast – Get your adrenaline going so you feel you are getting into action.
Are you feeling more refreshed and slightly more upbeat now? Do you feel these actions make you feel more empowered?
When in company of others, whether you speak with people you are close to and acquainted with (not as close, e.g classmates you don’t usually hang out with, friends of friends, your parents’ friends’ kids, etc), make it a point to
Speak with clarity – Be clear about what you are going to say, remove the stutters (the ‘Ums’, ‘Er’, ‘Hm’, ‘Like’) from your conversations – these drain you even though you feel like you are generating conversations when in fact, the other person is struggling to sieve out these words and trying to understand what you are getting at.
Practice preparing your point in advance and deliver with clarity.
Say you are chatting away with a friend who asks, “So, what are you doing this weekend? Are you going anywhere?”
Whether you have many activities or you don’t have, don’t reply with, “Um, I’m not sure. I think, um, I might have something, like, I think maybe, eh, probably I will go to my grandma’s place but hmm, like, it’s a weekly event, like, with my family. But I think, I might not go, hm, maybe like, I’ll go to the library”
which could have easily been, “I’m not sure. I might go to the library or visit my grandma with my family.”
You don’t need to fill up gaps of silence.
Regulate your talking ‘pace’ – If you find yourself talking too fast or end up mumbling, make a conscious effort to slow down. People will listen to you more.
Maintain eye contact – shows you are sincere, honest and *confident*
Curve your lips upwards (like a mini-smile) when you talk (even over the phone)