Are you a self-saboteur? How do you know if you are self-sabotaging yourself, your progress and your success? Do you know where you are sabotaging yourself?
Often, we won’t know, until we face similar failures again and again.
For instance, have you gone on a diet, lost some weight and yet find yourself to succumbing to overeating again when something happens?
Another example could be that you know you are a diligent employee and a great asset to your company, but you often find yourself passed up for promotion and pay raise.
How about the time when you met a nice guy and rejected him, yet allowing yourself to fall into similar heart breaks with guys who don’t deserve you?
What about being disciplined in saving up, only to spend all your savings the moment you high a number?
There are more examples.
Often being late and leaving the impression that you are not serious or professional.
Cutting off friendships the moment you feel they are getting close to you.
Always doubting yourself, that you are not good enough, and so on.
You shut down your business the moment enquiries come in, or the moment your business makes money.
How can you stop being a self-saboteur to your health, relationships, career and especially your own life?
It takes huge courage and awareness to come to realise that we are sabotaging ourselves at some point.
If you are a self-saboteur be it in your relationships, finances, career or health, it may be due to some underlying cause you are not consciously aware of.
Often times, sabotaging one area of your life could have a spillover effect on to the other areas of your life. Yet, the issues could stem from the same root.
The first step is to be aware of what’s (recurringly) going on.
Raise Your Awareness
Do you see any patterns of self-sabotaging behaviours in yourself?
Are there any areas in your life that you feel you are getting into the same plight over and over again?
It could be your weight issue, your romance, your friendships, your relationship with your family, your finances, your career or something else.
Really set aside time to sit down with yourself and write them all out, be it in your journal or a blank piece of paper.
Take note of these areas as you begin to work on them one-by-one.
Start with the one area that you want to change most.
Identify any patterns you see as you review.
Notice that what you have done before are achievable. You have lost a certain amount of weight before, saved up a certain amount of money before and been in great friendships and relationships before.
Be it losing weight, saving up or managing a relationship. It’s not about lack of discipline or connection. There is something more to it. You have done it before, but the issue is that you give up mid-way. Somewhere somehow you gave up trying, and working for what worked.
It’s time to find the root cause now.
A practical way is to begin by asking yourself a series of Whys. It may feel like hard work, but it’s the way to move past this hurdle you’re facing.
As you ask yourself Why each time, notice what you are trying to avoid answering. Try to direct the questions inward, towards yourself.
Remove the blame game. Jot down but don’t focus on the external factors.
You want to be able to identify why you are sabotaging yourself because if you really want to achieve it, no obstacles are too hard.
Why are you sabotaging your own weight loss?
In terms of losing weight, you could start by asking yourself why you stopped working out or eating healthy. You might have reasons such as weather, time, commitments that cropped up somehow, or something else. These are external factors.
You want to keep asking Why, in different ways. Why did you allow yourself to slip on the weight loss when you were progressing? Was it because something happened? A belief you carried? Was it something that someone said about you?
Keep delving on the WHY until you hit an emotional point. It will be your real why.
Why are you sabotaging your own career progression?
Why did you allow yourself to be passed up for promotion? What were you doing right? Which area were you doing wrong? What did you do or not do? Why did you not ask for that promotion proactively? What makes you think it was impossible to be you who’d get that promotion and raise? Why are you not taking responsibility for your own career?
What does being promoted mean to you? Why do you reject your own career growth? Are you afraid of something?
Keep asking yourself Why until you hit a point and deeply believe that it’s the reason why you are not letting yourself succeed at work.
Why are you sabotaging your relationships?
There are many reasons why you sabotage your friendships and relationships. Some of the reasons could go back as far as your childhood moments. It could be from recent years, or it could be something you reinforced and believed of yourself due to certain events.
Keep asking Why until you can identify what the root cause is.
Why are you sabotaging your finances/money goals?
What is your relationship with money? Why do you not allow yourself to achieve your money goals? Is there something more in-depth that is causing you to deny yourself of what you deserve?
What is it?
Why do you self-sabotage your success and happiness?
Eventually, the WHYs you ask could possibly all point to one root cause or more.
You might find yourself having to dig unhappy memories from your past, even into your childhood moments that are long forgotten. Some might be related to how you think about yourself, from certain events.
Once you have identified the root cause, this is the time when you can debunk it. This is the time you can counter what you believe about yourself, what you think about who you really are and what you can do about it.
As you look at each root cause, ask yourself if it’s true.
If it’s true, what can you do about it? Do you accept this fact about you? Can you change this? Do you want to change it? What do you want to do with this information now?
If it’s not true, then trash it. Counter it with what you know deep in your soul. Let go (or even forgive) of the past that’s invisibly chaining you.
Reset new beliefs about yourself. Enforce what you now realise. Then, take action and set out to practise your new beliefs and reinforce it.
Do not allow your old reasons to creep into your life again. Each time you find your old thoughts and beliefs creeping back, overwrite them with your new beliefs.