Remember the times when you and your (ex) best friend(s) were together? And now, you have grown apart from each other?
It seemed just like yesterday when both of you were hanging out together having fun and sharing stories, yet today, you barely know what is going on in her life?
Does it scare you to lose your best friend? That girl who played with you, quarrelled with you, stood by you, encouraged you when you were down and went places with you? The friend whom you felt closer to that towards your siblings?
It’s scary, and it’s hurtful to think how you could grow apart from friends whom you value so much.
Friends Forever. That was the tagline we held in school.
For someone who used to spend all our time together, talking about everything under the sun, giggling away and sharing our woes and troubles, for someone whom I thought life would never be the same without her and it’s almost unimaginable that one day we might go separate ways.
But we eventually did.
It did hurt.
There were mixed feelings; confusion, frustrations, loss, loneliness, sadness, anger, and even hope.
But alas, times didn’t turn back nor did we stayed best of friends. We just moved on, eventually.
It was difficult at first but it became much more manageable with time.
Even till today, I still look back at the times we shared and enjoyed, the times we fought and didn’t talk, then we would smile at each other when we met and started talking again.


It is understandable. If you have a best friend, you will find that fear of losing your bestie and that unimaginable pain that you might go through even thinking about it. Of course, we all want our friendships and relationships to last forever.
Sometimes you just think back and end your thoughts with a sad sigh.
Perhaps it is this reason you have been so careful when making new friends today.
Perhaps this is why you worry about being left out again and so you don’t really try so hard anymore.
Growing apart from someone who used to be close to you is painful albeit a part of life.
People come and go in our lives, some are here to stay, others are here as a passing phase.
At certain points in your life, you will meet people who are on the same path as you, perhaps they are headed towards the same direction and so you clicked naturally; you could be experiencing similar situations at home, studies or relationship, or aiming for the same goals or career paths.
As time goes by, your pace of growth change.
You could be more driven and want to challenge yourself more or take on more responsibilities and hence, expand your comfort zone, while your friend could be comfortable with the pace she was in (or vice versa).
As you learn and expose yourself more, you might find that your vision and views of the future slighted away from your friend’s. Sooner or later, you might find that both of you are on different pages.
Or it could be changed in priorities, thoughts, behaviours or even social circles.

What Not To Fear
Growing apart from someone whom you are/were close to may sound scary, but there is nothing scary or fearful about them. Instead, it is a momentous part of our life journey.
It meant that you were once close to each other. It meant you once shared beautiful friendships. This also meant that you both shared good memories and happy times together, and these will always bring smiles to your face whenever you think about them. A part of your lives was spent with someone who mattered to you, rather than having spent alone or being in the company who didn’t understand you. 
There is something beautiful about growing apart, in that, you both embraced the change, knowing that the other person once shared the friendship that served both of you well rather than being stuck in a friendship that no longer works.
Mum’s Wise Words
In the past, I was someone who placed a huge deal on my friendships too.
Before I finished high school, I would feel bouts of sadness whenever I thought about going separate ways.
When I told my mother about my frustrations, this was what she told me, “You’ll meet different people and make friends at different phases of life. Now you are in school, your classmates are your friends. When you start working, your colleagues will be your friends and when you get married, your neighbours will be your friends. When you have children, other parents will be your friends.”
I didn’t want to believe her then no matter how logical that sounded.
I just wanted to be around my friends. Soon enough, almost all of us went our own ways, some to Canada, some to Australia while a few of us stayed close to home. Initially, we promised to keep in touch as much as we could.
As time passed, we began to communicate lesser and lesser. We were all starting to get busy with our new environment and new friends.
Perhaps the only time we gathered together was when everyone else came home for holidays.
Furthermore, as we enter the different phases in our lives, our priorities change.
Some of my friends settled down while I still wanted to have fun and was still searching for my own identity.
This year, as I began my married life, some of my friends’ children are already close to ten years old. As we were leading separate lives in the different environment having different experiences daily, our insights and perspectives now have diverted so much from what we used to share before.
My mum’s words were right.
Unless we learn and grow at the same pace, we cannot stay on the same journey together for the rest of our lives.
What Can You Do
As Dr Seuss cleverly puts it, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
Think of the times and moments when you shared fun and happy memories.
At least you were in and a part of each others’ lives before. No one will ever share or feel the same as you both at that time.
And that is something no one can experience, feel and know other than you and your best friend.
Everyone has their paths and own decisions to pursue.
You may have been together on the same path for many years, but when it is time to move in different directions, acknowledge that it’s time and embrace that change.
That way, both of you will be able to grow at your own pace and achieve what you want to achieve in life to move forward.
Understand that what’s difficult now may be the best for each other better than falling out and not speaking anymore. Who knows what the future holds?
You might meet again and reconnect someday, making the friendship even more beautiful. Sometimes the gap in the years between friendships make them even more valuable when you meet again.
Relationships are most memorable and best treasured when you are genuine and sincere to each other. If you have been true to your friends, you will definitely have happy moments to look back.
Today, I am still in contact with my high school friends despite the years of gap in between, but I also have made many more valuable friendships during this time.
Do you have any advice to share on how to manage friendships growing apart? What happened in the end?
Do share with us in the comments section below.
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